Manipulation

Those WERE the droids we were looking for.

We all find ourselves in the role of manipulator and manipulatie from time to time. People are extremely uncomfortable with the idea of being manipulated. We recoil at the prospect of being controlled by someone/something other than ourselves. When we think of manipulation we often focus on the underhanded side of it. The very definition of manipulation paints it in a negative light.

Yet we often are manipulated in ways that are good for us. Consider…

• A doctor who uses strong language and fear to get you to take certain actions on your own behalf
• A good sales person who persuades you to move off center on something you really want to do (you know this happened when you thank them for it later)
• A performer who has a calculated way of bringing a crowd to a frenzy so they have the most fun and memorable experience (all of the good ones do)
• A religion that promotes actions that have a high probability of strengthening or spreading the faith (virtually all of the Christian religions use this)
• A boss that uses techniques to lead employees to actions that help make them successful
• Using compliments to build the self-esteem of a friend or partner so that she may gain the confidence to step outside of a comfort zone and move forward…to grow

The truth is we are manipulated all the time, often unintentionally, and in many cases we benefit from it. Manipulation can help us get out of our own way and do what we really want or need to do. It’s certainly not always good. The religion example above is pretty questionable in the minds of many. There are plenty of horrifying stories of manipulations out there. Still, it can be just as good as it can be bad.

But it’s a fine line. Once we become aware of being manipulated it backfires. Not only do we then not take the action we are being directed towards — even if it’s potentially in our best interest, we now feel alienated, and resentment toward the perceived source of the manipulation.

Effective manipulation is a very high-level skill — one that most of us fail at as often as we succeed. It’s risky. The manipulator presumes to know what is in our best interest as much or more than we do. On the occasions one is right it can be a great benefit, however, that can be a pretty bold, arrogant presumption.

If you discover you are being or have been manipulated it is wise to resist getting swept up in recoiling from the act. Take the time to figure out and consider the intentions of the manipulator before passing judgement. Good people trying to do good things can make mistakes that may seem worse than they really are once the full intentions are known. (Again, consider the religion example above.)

If you find yourself in the role of manipulator, however unintentionally you may have arrived there, it is wise to take a step back and carefully consider all of the implications and possible outcomes before proceeding. Remember, we are governed by emotions, which are inherently irrational. When it backfires it can be pretty ugly. The negative consequences of the performer manipulating you aren’t that great (although I have seen performers inadvertently trigger crowds to harm each other), but when it gets to life changing areas the responsibility for taking care is paramount.

Step with care. It’s the ethical, moral thing to do.