Most of us fortunate enough to live for a while have the experience of losing parents, not to mention friends and other relatives. Each is uniquely difficult, but when the last parent dies we’re soon thrown into a long and agonizing series of decisions — what to do with all the stuff. Assuming there are no disputes the big things are pretty easily and quickly sorted out. It’s all the little things that are killers. The stuff that nobody really has room for or truly wants, beyond the inherent sentimental value. Some of these things may or may not be worth actual money. That isn’t the point. The difficulty is they all have to be dealt with, whether it’s with a trash can, donations, an estate sale, or whatever.
In my (our) case it’s been all of the above, and we’re now down to the last waves of things being sold by an estate liquidator (a woman who happens to be a friend I’ve known since high school). It’s a bit surreal to see things things (click here for just one example) that had been around the house for decades trivialized and auctioned off like trinkets. Each has a story, a reason why it was important. They are just things, but in a way they’re each a little slice of someone’s life, now cataloged and objectified to the highest bidder — a bidder who in many cases owns a shop where the item will be marked up and sold again.
Next we delve into the piles and piles of photos. Each with a story that in some cases has been lost in the fog of time. All of the stories, and moments, add up. It’s like a trail of bread crumbs that communicate to us who a person was beyond our immediate and subjective awareness.
As I turn a year older today I will miss the annual phone call where I wait out the little bit of embarrassment as Happy Birthday is sung to me. Meanwhile…I can’t help but reflect on what all of the things I have and have done add up to. If I die tomorrow what sort of story will be told as loved ones sift through numerous obscure items strewn about or tucked away at my residence, my work, my studio, my hard drives, notebooks, etc?
One can’t build a true legacy by design. It happens organically, in the way a life is lived. That life provides the overarching context for everything else and gives meaning to all the artifacts. It’s important to discover what matters most to you and to set about making your daily life a reflection of those ideas, beliefs, and attitudes. Easier said than done, but one way or the other that’s what ends up happening.