Forsaken (Breaking Point Continued)


Behind the ‘game face’

A previous post dealt with people giving up. As noted, we can sometimes push people too far.

Why push people? That fine line between trying to get something better out of them and…just maybe because of some need within ourselves? We often don’t know what we are doing to people until something finally snaps. That can trigger a period of real growth, or it can do damage. You’re probably not an expert at this so perhaps it is better to adopt the live and let live attitude. Part of love is letting people be who they are. That doesn’t mean you have to volunteer to be around them, but you’re probably best served not to try to change them very much unless you believe they truly WANT to change, and trust you with it. Only then do you have permission to tamper with the difficult things. We’re all guilty of this at times. Be careful.

As ugly as that can be, what’s uglier is giving up on them. Abandoning someone is the worst. When a person feels another disengage it produces a kind of hopelessness that not only can do a lot of damage, but it takes away reasons for fighting through it. You have conveyed that they aren’t worth it. It may take away enough that…a person’s state of mind can be disastrously affected. As the commenter in a previous post noted, some actions aren’t undoable.

Don’t think about it only in the extremes. Self worth (esteem), sociability, intimacy, and a bunch of other issues that follow us through our lives are affected in relative ways. People yearn to feel loved. The causes of and feeling of being loved are not easy to pin down. If you feel someone genuinely cares and wants you in their life then you generally feel loved. The ‘genuinely cares’ part is often judged by the sacrifices one is willing to make. Big sacrifices = big love. Small or no sacrifices = superficial love (at best).

As a responsible member of the (flawed) human race you have some responsibility to people to not let them feel forsaken. Obviously you can’t walk through the world making every person your responsibility, but in the same way most of us have a sense of right and wrong, we also have a sense of who needs to feel our presence. The people in our lives need us. Maybe they are there because they need us, though some may need more than others. You don’t have to think of it in absolutes, or treat everyone equally. They just need to feel you are (willing to be) there, even (especially) if it costs you something.

Don’t ignore that. There are times in life it would be much easier to do so, but as I’ve alluded to many times in this blog, easy and comfortable are overrated in the short run and underrated in the long run. This is a long run type of issue. And also, like I have also written in this blog, if you can’t do it for someone else, do it for yourself. You will feel better in the end. The affected parties can collectively win or lose on your actions. What an awesome responsibility we have to each other. Isn’t that beautiful?

Hmmm. It depends.



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