Happiness, Part xx3, Validation

We are trained almost from birth to listen to and obey the wishes of others. Much of this is necessary, of course, but it often bleeds into other areas of our lives and continues for too long. A stimuli most of us grow up with and the effects of which culminate over time. It’s hidden everywhere in our culture. Ultimately, most of us don’t fully develop our sense of personal sovereignty and inner guidance; and thus, we believe or at least worry that someone else has the more correct way or knows better than we do.

We discount our own intuition and mistrust ourselves as a result of this learned response. Subsequently, this becomes a filter for how we view the world, and for how we view ourselves in the world.

We come to rely on the opinions of others for validation, because we expect they know better than we do. And the more we get validation from others, the more we seek it. It becomes an addiction. When we are validated by someone else, it triggers our psycho-biological reward system releasing dopamine into the brain. We feel good. We feel accepted. We want more of that feeling.waxmuseumfire

The rub is because we do not validate ourselves, we hold ourselves back, which leads to rarely getting the validation we want from others. Or worse, we may restructure aspects of our lives and the way we live in order to garner attention. Our ideal identity lost in the quest for external validation, a barrier to reaching our full potential. We’re incomplete.

If we would just validate, trust and know ourselves this cycle could be broken.


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