Risk of Unprepared

Toronto gets a lot of snow. No one freaks out about it because there are machines and people to get rid of it, and an attitude that it’s hardly a problem worth hyperventilating over.

Many problems are like that. When we prepare for them and get used to them, they’re not problems anymore. They’re merely the way it is. We intuitively know this, although when new problems arise we sometimes react poorly, and we don’t like the accompanying feelings.

What about an individual? Is there much worse we can say about you and your work? “You are unprepared.” But the word “unprepared” really means two things. There is the unprepared of the quiz at school, of forgetting your lines, of showing up to a gunfight with a knife… this is the unprepared of being an industrial cog in an industrial system, a cog that is out-of-whack, disconnected and poorly maintained. What about the other kind, though?

We are unprepared to do something for the first time or to take a leap into the unknown, always. We are unprepared for our first hit, or for a massive failure unlike any we’ve ever seen before. We are unprepared to create a new kind of beauty, to connect with another human in a way that we’ve never connected before. We are unprepared to fall in love, and to be loved.

We’ve been so terrified into the importance of preparation, it’s spilled over into that other realm, the realm of life where we have no choice but to be unprepared.

If you demand that everything that happens be something you are adequately prepared for, I wonder if you’ve chosen never to leap in ways that we need you to leap. Once we embrace this chasm, then for the things for which we can never be prepared, we are of course, always prepared.

Because uncertainty is not the same thing as risk.

Often, the most important stuff we do doesn’t bring a guaranteed, specific result. Usually, the result of any given action on our part is unknown. Uncertainty implies a range of possible outcomes.

But a range of results, all uncertain, doesn’t necessarily mean you are exposing yourself to undue risk. It merely means you’re exposing yourself to possible outcomes you can’t fully play out and fall in love with in advance.

The question to ask yourself is, “are you hesitating because you’re not sure the future will match your specific vision, or is there truly a life-endangering risk here?”

A portfolio of uncertain outcomes is very different from a large risk.

New Information

What do we do with it? New information likely means it’s time to consider or evaluate change, which is often more difficult than it sounds.

To some people, it means admitting you were wrong.

But of course, you weren’t wrong. You made a decision based on one set of facts, but now you’re aware of something new.

To some people, sunk costs are a real emotional hot button, and walking away from investments of time, of money, and mostly, of commitment, is difficult. Add a moral component to this and the weight of change can get dramatically greater.

But of course, ignoring sunk costs is a key to smart decision making.

And, to some people, the peer pressure of sticking with the group that you joined or reinforced when you first made a decision is enough to overwhelm your desire to make a better decision. “What will I tell my friends or family?” “What will they think of me?”

The moral component, if it’s really valid and not just something to hide behind to stay comfortable, is another issue.

A useful riff you can try:

Sure, I decided that then, when I knew what I knew then. And if the facts were still the same, my decision would be too. But the facts have changed. New facts mean it’s time for me to make a new decision. This is not done lightly, without regard for what I was busy doing yesterday, without concern for the people who might disagree with me. It is done because it is right and best for everyone involved that me and my actions be congruous with what I know now. My supposition is that once they realize these new facts, they would be likely to make the same new decision I just did, or to at least understand why I need to. If they truly respect, value and even love me, then they’ll give me the space to make this course correction.

This decision is more important than my pride.

Coin Sides

There are almost always (at least) two perspectives through which any situation can be viewed. Anger and hurt are two sides of the same coin. And…

• Passion and Hubris
• Endurance and pain
• Perseverance and stubbornness
• Envy and Jealousy
• Reward of good versus avoidance of guilt
• Trust and faith
• Influence and Manipulation
• Us and them
• Structure and regulation
• Character and reputation
• Provided or Invented boundaries
• Intentions and outcomes
• Form and function
• Facts and spin
• Ignorance and confidence (or skill)

They all have a degree of double-sided logic to them – an obviousness heavily influenced by perspective and context.

As you can see from the numerous links above, this has been an underlying theme throughout the soon ending timeline of this blog. So much of what I have written about reveals my personal view that what we see is a reflection of who we perceive we are.

• Perception and reality

Most points I have made along the way could be used to further some agenda I may have, or could just as easily be used to combat it. I have seen and understood this from the beginning, even though some have felt the need to point it out as if I am blind to the underlying implications (I welcome the engagement anyway). Over the next two days I will offer another example in two posts that show an issue from two vantage points. Nothing at all special about them. Pretty mundane actually, but want the readers to see them in that context from the get-go. There is usually a kind of truth that emerges, even though it looks different from the two vantage points.

The point is…we’re going to see and do things according to what makes us feel good. Or the least bad.

• Have to. Want to

It’s entirely subjective, and a part of our programming, so debating over nature or nurture is almost a moot point, because it’s all just a form of programming really.

And even once we realize that, there still seems to be no escape. It is what it is. Or is it?

And this leads to another prevailing theme of this blog (I will spare you the numerous examples). What if we somehow muster the courage to make a leap? To do something so audacious it seems crazy. Then, from the new space of possibilities we created for ourselves as a function of living in the new paradigm, would our perspective change, at least a little bit?

You bet it would.

For the better? Would we be more happy or fulfilled? It’s really the wrong question. The question really should be, will we have learned something in the process that helps us hone in better on what’s right for us?

You bet it would.

And what of the risks? They exist anyway. Most people looking back say they wish they would have risked more, not less. There is some wisdom for you. Besides, you’re not totally alone. There is help around, but yes, in the end it’s pretty much up to you, which is why it takes courage, and the will to get over yourself.

• Pride and face

Make the leap.

 

 

 

 

Getting to the Change

One of the most difficult skills to master in life is helping people  (ourselves included) make changes that will benefit them in the long run – even if it means annoyance or sacrifice in the short term. That could mean anything from getting a child to clean his or her room to convincing a customer to switch from a competitor’s brand to yours.

We’re all selling something, but you can’t force anyone to buy it. Worse, if someone feels you are pushing it on them, emotions will take over and they will resist buying it even if it hurts them not to.

That’s why the best salespeople see themselves as trusted service providers and advisors, not product pushers. They understand that change isn’t easy, and that’s what makes them effective in creating strong relationships with customers. Regardless of the context or gravity of whatever the situation is, these basic questions apply:

1. What does the person want to change?
2. Why does the person want to change?
3. What does the she really want? What is the ultimate goal?
4. What is preventing someone from changing? Why has he or she not already changed?
5. What motivates the him? What makes her tick?
6. What is involved in making the change? What will it take?
7. How will the person behave before, during, and after the change?

You can practice this almost anywhere you encounter people, even picking random ones out of a group at a restaurant or park. See what answers you can come up with: Why is this person here? Where does that person want to go in life?

To quote Dwight D. Eisenhower, “Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.” How many times a day do other people ask you to do something without going to the trouble of outlining how you’ll benefit from taking on the task? People need to feel ownership over change, even if the idea doesn’t come from them. Before you ask someone to take a step in a new direction, be sure to communicate your vision of a new and great experience.

Missed Versus Execution

When you think back over the last few years, how much of what you haven’t achieved is due to missed opportunities (the product you didn’t launch, the relationship you didn’t foster, the service you didn’t choose to do, the path you didn’t choose, the effort you didn’t extend, the vulnerability you didn’t let through) and how much is the result of doing it poorly?

_____ % missed/avoided   vs.  _____ % incompetence

Now, compare those percentages to where you spend your time, your focus and your anxiety.

 

Diffusion of Blame

We find it handy in our culture to be able to ascribe blame for things we don’t like. Consequently we often tend to oversimplify problems. The righteous indignation from those who feel they are on some obvious moral high ground can be palpable.

People do need to be accountable for their actions, but it’s often not so simple as it can appear.

Example: Slave labor in clothing manufacturing.

How do you assign blame for the practice of human beings enslaving other human beings to produce cheap clothing? Do you blame the kidnappers who captured the slaves? Do you blame the smugglers who trafficked them? Do you blame the staffing personnel who bought and hired them? Do you blame the foremen who makes the working conditions harsh? Do you blame the executives who made the policies? Do you blame the investors who financed the factory? Do you blame the brand who sources the clothing from such factories? Do you blame the retailers who carried the brands? Do you blame the consumers who purchased the products?

The truth is that without any one link in the chain the shackles would fall to the ground. However, each link can rationalize that their own little sin isn’t all that bad, or that their hands were tied without reasonably viable options, and that if they weren’t there someone else would come and take their place.

After all, the consumer doesn’t generally feel involved with how brands produce their products. The brands are just trying to give the customers what they want at the right price. In order to do that, they’re willing to make a few sourcing compromises, or simply “can’t” (don’t) afford the time to understand the details of the whole chain. The factories realize that if they’re not doing everything they can to cut costs, they’re going to lose the bid. The foremen believe that if they don’t keep their workers in fear they don’t get the output that they have to have in order to avoid repercussions on themselves. The staffing realizes that if they outspend their competition they’re not going to exist anymore, so they make a compromise and acquire slaves. The traffickers, after all, never kidnapped anyone, they’re just getting them where the slave trader wanted them to go. And the kidnappers themselves? It’s just too lucrative, “if I didn’t do it, someone else would,” then the moral atrocity still takes place and someone else gets paid besides me.

Everyone can sleep at night within their scope of relative sin. Who do you really blame, and what actions must be taken to stop it? Are the people and organizations who might be able to stop it to blame? Government? Usually something eventually happens when a light is shone on something bad, but cockroaches are good at slithering into the shadows and carrying on.

Do you think your life is devoid of these compromises (sins)? We’re a consumption oriented society. Look around your house. Look around your place of work. Really look, and think about where stuff comes from and goes. What business are you in? It’s probably not pure. No, we are all guilty. It’s not black and white at all. We can throw stones at them, but we best be ready to duck a few as well.

Fuel Tank

When your car or your body runs short on fuel the symptoms are pretty clear. Your brain needs fuel to function just like your body. In fact, your brain uses up to 20% of the fuel you consume. But what about the mind? That’s a much more abstract question.

It rarely runs short on fuel. It digests and uses everything it encounters. It’s going to keep its tank full with something. You can’t control that. But what is the fuel you are giving it? You can control what it encounters, and therefore influence it’s processing. A helpful exercise is to spend a period of time being aware of your mind’s diet. Try logging what you’re reading, watching and experiencing, and how much time you spend with each. Then go back and asses. Circle all the negative or useless information and influences you’ve helped your mind consume.

It’s eye opening.

Is there any doubt that if you provide a more positive set of stimuli for your mind it will respond accordingly?

The hard work of this is that you have to do a little work to keep things available that will be a positive influence. Some good books (that you take the time to read), positive friends (not the drama seekers), the right kinds of television shows, and certainly not least a hobby or two that you find engaging. Part of the challenge is that you must make time to engage yourself with these things. That means not doing something else. Look at your list. Does it have a few things on it that could/should be replaced with actions that are better for you? Note how each makes you feel and choose these carefully. Even with hobbies, which are of vital importance, be aware of the effect they have on you. Not all are helpful.

Of course you must also keep the rest of your body fit, and take the other steps to keep the right balance of chemicals involved. It is helpful that if you take the actions noted here, your body will automatically respond chemically to help you.

The “I Hope You…” Blow Off

“I hope you get it.”

“I hope you make it.”

“I hope you are well.”

“I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

What do these phrases really mean? They may or may not be genuine. Even when they are they often (not always) represent disengagement. Spoken to make the speaker feel better. But the tranquilizing effect they have on the speaker is usually not at all transmitted to the hearer.

Because hope isn’t a strategy. Doing something to help is engagement. Heck, just being legitimately engaged is something, even if you can’t actually do much to help.

The speaker may actually care about the hearer (or maybe not). Nevertheless these words are code for, “I’m not going to do anything tangible to help, so you’re on your own, but good luck.” In fairness this is usually because the speaker perceives there isn’t actually anything that can be done. It’s forgivable, even if they are wrong. But sometimes the speaker is choosing to disengage. She doesn’t want to be burdened by it. These words alleviate that bourdon in a manner that’s polite and allows the speaker to feel better about it.

It’s that simple. So we may as well call it what it is: a blow off. The antithesis of loyalty.

Some close cousins to the above phrases:

“I hope everything turns out okay.”

“I hope to be there.”

Unqualified

(Part One of a two part thought that is so massive it cannot be contained in one post!)

Sometime later this year I turn 49. Not an old man by a long shot (think of me as “seasoned”), but I’m starting to be able to see old from here. And that changes everything.

I have written about some perceptions of age and time before. Young people will not be able to grok the following until they get a few more years behind them.

We have to make many important decisions in life before we are qualified to make them. Some of those decisions have long lasting consequences. We need help, which is part of what parents, teachers, spouses, clergy, and friends are for. The network of help you are able to build becomes an important part of enabling you to have a better life. But be careful….they aren’t as objective as they may appear. Ultimately you (and only you) have to take responsibility for how your life turns out.

As we get older we become more aware of what we don’t know. We get less arrogant and more introspective. We come to understand how unqualified we can be to make big decisions (though we have to make them anyway), and we get less willing to take risks. We want more information before deciding. Through experience our decision making gets better, but sometimes it takes us significantly longer to move. This risk reducing behavior can be helpful, but…

There is always a but, isn’t there?   (Continued tomorrow.)