When Character Battles Reputation

We believe good character leads you do doing what is right. It does not mean you don’t make mistakes, do things that are wrong, or even harmful. What it means is that in the end you are able to navigate yourself to the best solution that takes care of your concerns.

Efforts by parents, teachers, and others to instill values are important, but ultimately, character is both formed and revealed by how one deals with everyday situations as well as extraordinary pressures and temptations. Like a well-made tower, character is built stone by stone, decision by decision.

Of course, our assessment of a person’s character is an opinion, and it isn’t always right. An assessment of one’s own character is still just an opinion.

Abraham Lincoln once made the analogy that character is like a tree, while reputation is like the shadow of the tree. The shape of the shadow is not a perfect image of the tree. It depends on the tree, but is affected by other things, not the least of which is the perspective of the observer. In the same way, reputation is not always an accurate reflection of character. Some people derive more benefit from their reputation than they deserve; others are better than their reputations.

Thus, an assessment of anyone’s character is ultimately just our own perception — a reflection of ourselves in a way. The assessment happens through the filters (biases) of whatever the we already believe about the way the world looks and works. We tend to notice and find things that support our beliefs. If you believe politicians are liars then you’re likely going to assess anything questionable as a lie. If you believe a person is of poor character you will probably find ways to validate that perception for yourself. Worse, you may treat them accordingly, which can sometimes negatively influence their behavior in a manner that further supports your belief.

Still, reputation matters. It determines how others think of us and treat us and whether we are held in high or low esteem.

We’ve often seen cases where an individual has manipulated facts to augment public perception of his character. Always shocking when the truth is revealed. Sometimes what gets revealed is just the tip of an even more disturbing iceberg. At other times someone of high character may be the victim of circumstances that make him look bad. Or maybe makes a mistake that appears more egregious than it really is if all of the details could be known.

To most of us both (character & reputation) are deeply personal and important, a big part of how we identify who we are. So when we find our character (reputation) called into question, or appearing to be compromised, we feel a need to defend ourselves. This can on occasion present a significant personal struggle because sometimes defending one’s reputation can also damage it. Things can get complicated. One of the more difficult situations in life is when one finds his character and reputation on opposite sides of an issue, in a dual with each other. Consider the following…

• Suppose you are blamed for something that’s not your fault, but proving it will cause harm to someone else? Do you allow your reputation to be sullied and spare the other person?
• A tricky set of circumstances conspire to foster a condition in which you appear to look bad. Defending yourself against a set of what appear to be facts (however incomplete they may be) can make you look worse. Do you push for the truth or let it go?
• Suppose someone you trust and care about allows you to be thrown under the bus, or worse, throws you under the bus, out of necessity. You can defend yourself, but it may produce negative consequences for your friend. Is the high character move to try to right that wrong in the spirit of the truth, or at least full disclosure of the facts? Or is it a position of higher character to spare your friend and allow your reputation to be compromised?
• What if you are on the other side of it? Is the high(er) character move to allow your friend to be thrown under the bus in the interest of some greater good? Or should you fight for the truth to the end even at the risk of personal harm to yourself?
• Or what if a friend finds herself in a tough spot where you have inside information that might help, but revealing the information causes other significant problems (not the least of which is damaging your reputation)? Do you forge ahead and take the consequences or stand by and let the situation sort itself out?

Morality, the very thing many people think character is based on, doesn’t help us here. Morality is black and white and often doesn’t do well informing these kinds of internal conflicts. Sure, you could say, “always go for the truth, no matter what.” But if the consequences of the truth are dire enough is that really still the right thing to do? These are tough ethical questions, which, depending on the details of the circumstances don’t have clear right or wrong answers. The “pure” way to look at it would be to ignore the relative consequences and just go for what is “right,” to the extent that it can even be determined, but the practical, and arguably higher character way to look at it considers those consequences and accepts the role of choosing the least wrong, or harmful course.

And thus we must live in that gray area where we try to take the best care of everything that’s important to us as best we can. Add to the mix one’s relative willingness to endure confrontation and discomfort (versus being polite and shrinking away) when necessary and it can become quite a test. It’s imperfect. Sometimes there is no good answer, and it is sometimes dreadfully painful.

Such is life. An ability and dedication to navigating complex and nuanced issues such as these is ultimately where your character lies. Just know that your reputation may not be able to follow you there.